Eight Reasons Why Its Okay For Women to Lie

One: We are women. It is in every skin cell, every shade of lipstick we lather over lips and smack together for a flawless coat.

Two: We don't like the way they eat chips and scratch their bare bellies on the couch. We don't like how they heat up the bed with their body. Small things catch our eye quickly--no coaster, nail clippings on bathroom floor, sponges--wet--in the kitchen sink, we see it all and we will lie if they ask if it bothers us. We prefer they figure it out and hope it doesn't take long because we have a lot of punishments but not a lot of patience.

Three: What is it hurt if we wait to tell them how much it cost to cut our hair or how many times I really had my "first" before him. How is it his business anyway?

Four: Because if they knew some of the things we did last weekend with the girls--it might just be considered cheating and he might just get angry with us over our flirting they have warned us about before. How about if he knew how he was last night? All the times you were: "right there, baby" were just lines you learned over the years and you were just hoping it would end so you could watch reality tv before bed.

Five: They forget us on Friday nights with their friends and ignore our calls. They basically force us to leave long voicemails about "commitment issues." We don't get down; we just use that time to try Alex, our ex--maybe he is free tonight. Tell him we are single.

Six: Little lies gets washed away like dirt or sucked up in a vacuum cleaner. It doesn't hurt if we talk about going to bed when we are still at the club dancing with a shot of tequila and don't want to be bothered. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila--floor.

Seven: So we steal a few singles for tolls or tubes of nail polish from their falling apart wallets. Don't they deserve it after what they put us through? It's okay--just remind yourself, they do bad things too.

Eight: We lie because we have to. We lie because we can. We lie like frat boys, binging on beer: filled to capacity with always a cold one on hand.